Jeans. A simple word that evokes images of pure comfort, a lovely shade of blue and durability. Many women cringe at the thought of replacing that one pair that so perfectly fit your body (oh, be honest, they don't really fit the way that they should, but you like them enough). And in fact, the search for the pair of jeans for a woman is tough and often involves tears and throwing things in fitting rooms. Both Oprah and What Not to Wear have devoted entire shows to the process of what to look for and, of course, what not to put on your body type. But since I am short the $200 requiring me to find that perfect pair, they shall never touch my body.
The jeans that I speak of today, though, involve a certain young man who will be 11 in a month. This dude is anti-jeans and has been since he was three and announced to me (while screaming) that "they hurt me!!!!!") and refused to wear them since--it was the seams at the waist that bothered him. I would pay Dr. Leman to fix that.
Okay, I will admit that there are many things in life that we can coerce, force, bribe and uh, force, our children to do, but wearing jeans was a battle not to be won. And I have tried. Even if he would have worn them, after the age of three, finding jeans to fit that young skinny body of his was impossible anyway, so I do feel for the guy. It's been a life cluttered with the frustrations of long mall trips trying on several thousand pairs with the promise of ice cream afterwards, but ending in yelling and swearing (by mom). When the adjustable waist craze arrived, I was the first in line, but even with a slim--they would fall straight off his waist. Friends, I have gone through every brand in America...I SWEAR TO YOU...and there has been only one kind that finally fit my child that he would wear. Lands End. $20 per pair. Elastic waist slims, with ugly reinforced knees.
No, they are not going to win a fashion show, but they have been worn and I thought the battle had ended. Sigh of relief. Then, he got taller and skinnier and white socks came into my vision over the past month as he has gotten ready for school. Gosh, I never wanted a geeky kid. In fact, I always wanted a smartly dressed one that you see in the Pottery Barn Teen catalog that looks and acts like my Zach.
So off we went to the mall today with the goal of making Zach look cool. He was not happy about it one bit and slunk around between the racks, trying to ignore the fact that his mother was insistant that he find a real pair of jeans. In and out of the fitting room, he modeled each pair for me with a look of disgust. WHY OH WHY do the people who design clothing not understand that pre-pubescent boys have no waists and no butts???? Someone must think that they all wear "husky" as there were about 10 racks of those, but slims were hard to come by. Finally after about 15 pairs, we found four of them to take home. Two each of two different kinds, but they look cool and fit for the most part.
Now, the true test will be Monday morning as he gets ready for school...will they mysteriously not fit? Will they be worn all day and then be declared itchy and rub his side raw from the seams? Will I need to hire a seamstress to remake a pair of jeans from the top down to fit my boy?
I think maybe I shall become a clothing designer when I grow up. I could become a billionaire if I only knew how to sew...